Sunday, December 28, 2008

Thoughts Before I Leave

Last night at dinner I sat down with tears in my eyes and hoped no one would notice. Michael, my brother-in-law, asked me from across the table if I was alright. I said yes and looked away but the tears still fell. A lot. I started crying, and when I looked up, my sister was crying as well. This is so hard.

Tonight at dinner was a different story though. Everyone was eating and during the silence I broke out in laughter. My family stared at me and wanted to know what was so funny. I told them I was picturing myself refusing to get out of the car at the airport, missing my flight, cancelling my "plans" and coming back home forever. This was a really funny scenario in my head...until I realized I could actually do that. Unpacking my bags wouldn't be near as hard as packing them, and then I could stay in my comfort zone! I didn't let myself dwell on this past two seconds, otherwise I might do it.

This feeling is like none I've ever experienced. I'm not going three hours away to college or even just a few states over to work at camp. Nope. I'm flying 4,759 miles to an unfamiliar country with no place to live and no job lined up. I don't feel adventurous right now. I feel weird.

Final thoughts:

1) I packed too much. My bags are heavy, and I don't know how I'm going to cart them around for two weeks until I get settled.

2) I wish they had Dr. Pepper in the UK.

3) How cold is it actually going to be in England?

4) I'm tired but know I won't be able to fall asleep.

5) I didn't pack enough. What am I forgetting that will pop in my head while sitting on the runway?


Anonymous said...

You have a heart for The Lord. And it is inside of you. Therefore, you have just what you need. The rest will fall in place. NOTHING is too hard for our Lord. Let your light shine girl! Melissa

Tig said...

You definitely have the heart for the Lord - I stand in awe at how a beautiful young girl in this day and age can have such a love for the Lord! You have truly been an inspiration. Thank you sooooooo much for the pictures! That was so sweet and thoughtful of you! You will be terribly missed! Please go easy on D. I know she can be brutal - but I know your light will shine :) I will be praying for safe travels and peace for the jitters and homesickness. Thanks for letting me be a part of your life.

Jessica said...

I think it's neat that you are diving into all of these emotions and questions...and your STILL going. I'm sure God is pleased that you trust Him, even though the world might say you should worry about all the details.

I wish I could go with you guys, but I am so excited to hear all about you and danielle's exciting adventures!

p.s. do they really not have Dr. Pepper in europe? I was pretty sure they did...maybe I was wrong

Christy@pipandsqueak said...

I am catching up on your blog. I laughed at the desire for Dr. Pepper. That is my vice. I have been to over 25 countries and have found it many places. It is a 6th sense. If there is a street vendor with a Dr. Pepper, I will find it. I hope you do too!